Tuesday, January 1, 2008

New Year's Resolution

In 40 minutes it will be the year 2008. Some of you are probably living in the 08 already, but for me, I still have a few minutes to go. As a tradition that I have just started this year, I made myself a list of New Years Resolutions that I will not follow because seriously, whoever follows their resolutions must have serious will power and unfortunately, my friends, I am not one with serious will power. My mom did my college applications for goodness sake, I supplemented the essays myself of course, but that's telling you how little ambition I had back then.

So let's kick it off with a list of New Year's Resolution that I will Not Follow:

Clean my room and keep it clean: I am usually a clean person. Out of my roommates last year, I ranked number two in cleanliness and dirtiness out of three girls, so I'm not that bad, but recently my room has become basically a cubicle to store my piles and piles of magazines, jewelry supplies, and my bundles of shopping bags. When I go pee at night, I have to be very careful that I don't trip over my shoes. But I've got the eyes of an owl and the skill of a ninja, so it's all good.

Get Fat and then Lose Weight: For many of us, the top New Year's resolution is to lose weight, but I've got a better idea for myself. I'm gonna gain a whole bunch of weight by not exercising and eating fast food and then I'm going to lose the weight by exercising and eating healthy so that I go back to my original weight. But then see, here's the clever part, everyone will think I've lost a lot of weight and stop hassling me about getting skinnier. I wonder if this will fool my aunt.

Find Myself a Hunk of Burning Love: When your grandma and relatives start asking you if you have found any good boyfriends yet with potential, it just makes life one awkward asparagus. Their worrying about me becoming a spinster makes me worried of me becoming a spinster. Furthermore, today my mom asked me if I'm going to get a boyfriend because and I quote, "I'm worried that you're a lesbian". Oh. M. Gee. Then daddy was like, "Mama, you have to be more open these days". Oh. M. Gee. Again. They were both joking of course because I always tell her I'm never getting married. This conversation just made me laugh. LAUGH. and laugh. but deep down, it was a very awkward laugh.

Reduce my shopping and spending habits: If I ever want to be able to actually buy things when I study abroad in Italy, that's if I get accepted first of course, then I have to start saving dollars. Curse you dollars! Why do you have to be so weak right now. You weaksauce. Also of course, I just buy too much junk. But boy oh boy do I love me some junk.

Focus on the future: Now that I've finally conceptualized the "bigger picture" I can actually focus on my plans for the future. Too bad my "bigger picture" is just a tad bit blurry.

Make New Friends: Being a hermit is certainly no fun. Anyone want to be a hermit with me! I'm now accepting applications.

Floss: I need to floss. I need to have my teeth still intact by the time I'm 30. I need to pass my next oral hygiene exam. I don't have the nice hygienist anymore, the next lady's a toughie, and my teeth have got to impress or I'm screwed.

Learn English and Better Grammar: I still needs to improve me English. The only thing I speak right is Chinglish.

Stop picking at my toenails: It's just so hard to resist picking at my bottom dwelling digits. You're probably thinking "Eww you're so frigggin nasty" but I know you all do it. Don't deny it girlfriend!

Get Meaner: There was an old lady rude to my mom when we went to Costco. I just watched it happen, but next time when the new year comes around, she'll be sorry that she ever tried messing with my mom because I'm going to lay the smack down on her.

Stop sleeping with my eyes open: According to the testimony of dear ole Bacne, I, apparently, sleep with my eyes open. I guess in a way it's good to freak my roommate out, but I do not want to be a freak for the rest of my life. Being a freak for 19 years is already bad enough.

Enjoy the finer things in life: I should extend the philosophies of The Finer Things in Life club to all aspects of my life.

Learn to wake up on time for finals: This seems pretty obvious enough without a deeper explanation.

Write a New Years Resolution for 2009 that is actually worthwhile to accomplish: Again, self explanatory.


N said...

Good Luck!
Your English is perfect already though, so cross that one off!


Diana Rikasari said...

Lol..you're a very funny girl...:) I'm loving your blog....:)

fashaholic said...

ahahhaha O EM GEE you're so silly! Reading this was a great way to start the first day of the new year :).

Happy new year =D!!

Natalie said...

That is a gorgeous picture! I love your New Years resolutions. They are hilarious and very easy to relate to, haha. I am definetly doing the first, the fifth, anndd the seventh (toenails... I do it too hahaha!!!)

Anonymous said...

Good luck. I laughed so much at "Get Fat and then Lose Weight" geniouse. Also, you want to get meaner, I went to get more kind. I like that, that means there will be some sort of balance, sort of.??

The Clothes Horse said...

Very admirable list. Good luck.

C. K. said...

Wow, that's alot of things to not do. LOL Gorgeous pic though.

Happy new year.

Suzanna Mars said...

Lala, you always make me laugh. Now I can feel good about not reducing spending/shopping habit. Thank God someone out there concedes it is a waste of time to try to resolve against it.

Bojana said...

Hahaha very funny :)

I've never made any resolutions, so I did this year...we'll see if I'll follow them... well it's not like they are hard ones. Buy colored skinny jeans and white shirts?? Not such a problem to achieve hahaha

Anyway, happy new year!!

AlicePleasance said...

Resolutions...they're making me mad!
Happy new year Lala!

KiKi said...

I'd like a hermit application please. I always make resolutions I never follow it just seems pointless to make them anymore.

the iron chic said...

Have you seen the "Chinglish" book?
It is Chinese signs translated into English with haha-larious results. Someone got it for my friend Ching for her birthday.

ashley said...

hahaha you are hilarious. these are great new years resolutions :) happy new year!

Lady N said...

hehe - love this post! I totally don't do New Year's resolutions either!

Jello on Springs said...

omg, you too?! I sleep with my eyes open too...well one of them , like a cat =/ lol At least no one can smother us in our sleep, cuz we'd be like "whatcha!" and kick their arses

Miss Woo said...

Haha, I love the get fat then lose weight thing, great resolutions!

Patent Shoes && Rants said...

Haha so cute!

I actually hate feet so you won't be finding me picking my toe nails.

Sowwwyyyy ;)!


Isabel said...

I like the "get meaner" resolution!

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