Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Really Unleashing It All.

I fail at updating this blog. Okay. Moving on.

The past few posts having been about unleashing it all. Well, I got the theme from the title of this years fashion show theme "Unleased." Yep. There's the answer to the mystery all you readers have been pondering about for hours. (I just like to think that my blog is all you guys think about. It helps feed my narcissistic ego).

So I "unleashed" it all this year for my fashion show. Okay, I'm a bit sick of typing out that word over and over again. I did 12 pieces this year, four mens, and started basically three months later than last year. The week before the show I was up every night till three in the morning but if this is what passion is, then I am definitely passionate because I would not trade it for anything. But this post is not about my show. This brief paragraph is just to explain or give an excuse for my lack of updates.

This post is about something else entirely. Undie run.

At my school we have a tradition that during the Wednesday of finals week each quarter. Students come together and run a brief course around campus in their undies. A bit pervy? Why yes. But fun nonetheless especially when one is a little over elated due to certain substances that alter the brain and one's emotions. Men and women, fat and skinny, dark and pale come out to celebrate and release the stress each quarter by running around in boxers, boy shorts, bras, and dear lord, socks. They run around care free uninhibited by their nearly nude attire. For the past two years I have stayed inside, fully clothed, and criticizing the point of undie run - "why isn't this just a great excuse for guys to see girls dressed all skimpy or isn't it just sexual assault waiting to happen?". That was then.

This last quarter I, Lala, donned my sequined bra that I picked up in a flea market in Milan (my roomie chose the red satin bra with white feathers) and my trusty ole south park boxers and ran around campus like all the other undie runners that I had once criticized. I titled this post "Really Unleashing it All" because literally and figuratively I did. I have never thought of myslef as having a great body. In my happy moods and perhaps after running four miles I would see myself as having a good body at most. Other times it would be decent or average but never would I see myself as someone who would be brave enough to wear anything not covering my tummy or my thighs. I'm not the type of girl who wears bikinis. When I go to the beach with my friends I cover my suit up with a giant tee and shorts. Perhaps it was the conservatism I grew up with in my family or just the fact that I was not comfortable enough with my body to wear something so revealing. But this time with my undie run experience, I was ready. I think I have finally reached to point in my life that I really love my body and appreciate the way I look (although morning mirror scares are still common) that I was able to for that one hour to be free with myself and not care what other people think.

It has been a slow process to loving my own physical appearance. But I think I finally have and it has been the most "unleashing" experience ever. I used that word again. Oops.

If you see my photos, you know that I am not a model figure. In the world of fashion blogging out there, I know that I cannot compare to some of the people out there. I have calves that would make Achilles proud and a bouncy stomach that would mirror the movement of jello. But that's okay. I like to describe my body as womanly with athletic potential (even though I aint no athlete by any means).

In this process I have grown the self esteem to be confident in what I wear. But I have never really been confident in what I had going on underneathe what I was wearing. Being able to look in the mirror nude or almost need is sometimes the hardest thing to look at ever. Something has changed in me this past year. I turned 21 so yes technically I am a fully legal and "mature woman" now but it was something more. Perhaps it was my experience away from everything I knew or just a combination of all these different events that happened this year. But something has changed and it has been for the better.

So that night when I was out on the field in my undies and staring up at the stars (okay I didn't really but it just helps with the message of this post), I realized that I am beautiful and wonderful just the way I am.

I didn't quite realize it then and there because of all the shocking things that I was seeing around me but I didn think those thoughts that night when I went to sleep.

P.S I am a traitor to the anti-mainstream-establishment. I went to the mall for 4 hours. In normal Socal mall wearing gear. and Enjoyed it. terribly.


lingcat said...

you're damn cool!

Alya said...

Good for you!

now perhaps you'd like to reward yourself with some pretty pearl earrings? I'm giving a pair away on my blog. Check them out :)

Alya said...

Oh, and I could NEVER run around in my underwear in my room let alone outdoors. So good for you (again)!

Kasia said...

my jaw dropped :D

Taryn Andre said...

I can relate to this. When I was in highschool, I hated my body because I was so skinny, and I often got teased and called a lot of names, so I never enjoyed shopping or clothing as much as i wanted to because I didnt feel like I looked good in anything....I always wanted to have these killer curves, but i guess puberty skipped over me.

Slowly but surely, I became immune to people calling me twig, boney, toothpick, bendy straw etc, and i started embracing my body. Today, i freaking love my body and being a size 1...

I'm super glad that you are coming to the realization that you are beautiful, nude or clothed lol.

Nicole said...

OMG! I wish I had gone with you :D

Jolie Roux said...

I love your blog and I want your jacket.

PS. I understand the body issue thing. I am so tall and have been all my life. People don't think that's a problem ,but for a tall person it is. But I've always loved it and embraced it.

Vital Issues with Lauren! said...

I LOVE YOUR GLASSES!!! Please tell me where I can get a pair like them???

Your blog is awesome, I LOVE your style!!