Saturday, December 6, 2008

It's nearing the end of a beginning...


It's 10:44 PM. My head is dry and itchy because I haven't showered in two days. Gross, I know. My fingers are cracking due to the dry weather and my sheer lack of motivation to put on some lotion. Gross again, I know. My book on The Wealth and Poverty of Nations is waiting to be read and filled up with redundant post-it notes.
I can't study. I can't concentrate. All I can do right now at this moment in time is blog about my sudden realization that my 4 month experience in this new and completely different environment is coming to a close. But it is one of those feelings that leaves you with a contradictory state of sadness and inspiration. If my feeling were translated to a facial expression: my lips would be curled in a slight smile and my eyes staring off into a space of memories and experiences.

So right now, instead of doing the massive amounts of studying that I should be doing, I am typing out what I should have written down in a diary or whatnot. I wasn't going to do a post about my studying abroad experience until the very end when I actually got back home but right now I'm in the mood for a little self-reflection. I know it must be a major disappointment that my once in a month post ends up being non-fashion related but I must say that fashion can take a ride in the backseat when it comes to selfish self reflection posts. Bear with me?

Many times it doesn't feel like I am in a different continent at all. Sure the languages, the weather and the lack of the oh so Californian flip flop and hoodie combo remind myself that I am not where I belong, but for some weird reason, I feel like I belong. I have surprised myself at how easily I was able to open up, to befriend friends that seem like such a different crowd from my lovely buddies back at home, to not feel the slightest bit home-sick, to actually socialize and move past my anti-social angst. Have I changed? Or have I been like this all along but I was not able to realize it?
Being here and being independent for the first time has made me realize how much I want to accomplish for myself. These past months have really been a self discovery as cliche as it may sound. I felt like I have been living in a white cube for a long time and now I've finally have the guts to open this box I've created and see the rainbow world outside. And you know me. I love rainbow.

As sad as I am to leave in 27 days, in a way I am happy to go back as wiser girl/woman. I am happy to go back and be able to make chicken noodle soup without having to open a Campbell's can. I am happy to see my friends and share my stories. I am happy to go back and live in rainbow.
It's only the beginning for me.




*end of random rant. Must shower now, itchy, dandruff filled heads cannot wait.*

7 comments:

KD said...

Lala, you phrased your feelings so well. All I can say is, have fun and good luck in your new rainbow world!

Todd said...

Wisdom is the wonderfulness of being far away...
Glad you did it, and I feel the same way--most of the time hehe.

lisa said...

Make sure you don't leave this bold newfound self behind when you go home. :-)

deep_in_vogue said...

what an inspiring post :) thank you for making my sunday

Demi said...

I hope you enjoy the rest of the time you have :)
and what an inspiring post
xx

Alya said...

Wonderful! I hope you enjoy the time you have left, and continue to be inspired by it when you get back to Cali :)

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