It's nearing the end of a beginning...

It's 10:44 PM. My head is dry and itchy because I haven't showered in two days. Gross, I know. My fingers are cracking due to the dry weather and my sheer lack of motivation to put on some lotion. Gross again, I know. My book on The Wealth and Poverty of Nations is waiting to be read and filled up with redundant post-it notes.

I can't study. I can't concentrate. All I can do right now at this moment in time is blog about my sudden realization that my 4 month experience in this new and completely different environment is coming to a close. But it is one of those feelings that leaves you with a contradictory state of sadness and inspiration. If my feeling were translated to a facial expression: my lips would be curled in a slight smile and my eyes staring off into a space of memories and experiences.

So right now, instead of doing the massive amounts of studying that I should be doing, I am typing out what I should have written down in a diary or whatnot. I wasn't going to do a post about my studying abroad experience until the very end when I actually got back home but right now I'm in the mood for a little self-reflection. I know it must be a major disappointment that my once in a month post ends up being non-fashion related but I must say that fashion can take a ride in the backseat when it comes to selfish self reflection posts. Bear with me?

Many times it doesn't feel like I am in a different continent at all. Sure the languages, the weather and the lack of the oh so Californian flip flop and hoodie combo remind myself that I am not where I belong, but for some weird reason, I feel like I belong. I have surprised myself at how easily I was able to open up, to befriend friends that seem like such a different crowd from my lovely buddies back at home, to not feel the slightest bit home-sick, to actually socialize and move past my anti-social angst. Have I changed? Or have I been like this all along but I was not able to realize it?

Being here and being independent for the first time has made me realize how much I want to accomplish for myself. These past months have really been a self discovery as cliche as it may sound. I felt like I have been living in a white cube for a long time and now I've finally have the guts to open this box I've created and see the rainbow world outside. And you know me. I love rainbow.

As sad as I am to leave in 27 days, in a way I am happy to go back as wiser girl/woman. I am happy to go back and be able to make chicken noodle soup without having to open a Campbell's can. I am happy to see my friends and share my stories. I am happy to go back and live in rainbow.

It's only the beginning for me.

*end of random rant. Must shower now, itchy, dandruff filled heads cannot wait.*

Goals are Sometimes Hard to Keep

1. I promise I will study.
2. I promise I will not go out so that I can study.
3. I promise I will not go out and stay up way late so I can study.
4. I promise I will stay up way late so I can study.
5. I promise I will not get distracted by my laptop so that I can study.

Man. I need to study.

Barcelona = bliss.

Italia

My daily wears have been unimpressive these days. I figured scenes of beautiful Italy would be more impressive.

A First for Everything.

I went shopping today. I tried on a Cavalli dress and a Valentino dress. It was heaven. My first time trying on legit designer duds.

Anyone want to donate some money to me?

I did buy some stuff. I was bummed when a lovely Stella McCartney dress for 20 Euro was way small. I ended up with a silk dress marked down to 20 euro from 465 euro. Then we found a really cheap shop and I got a jacket and two tops for 11 euro. Mission complete.

No more buying. No more going out.

Hm. Nah, that won't work.

Thing I Hate Most.

My body looks like a Jackson Pollack painting done in all red. And I thought Taiwan was bad.

The Terror that is Packing.

In approximately 7 days and 5 hours and 20 minutes I will be saying sayonara to California as I head off for Milan.

Excited? Yes. Nervous? Perhaps. But it's not traveling I'm nervous about. It's the realization that I will be only bringing one suitcase for four months abroad. What is a clothes-whore to do?

I am so lazy when it comes to preparing for travel. I still have a million things on my "list of things to do before I leave". The first one, "write a list of things I need to buy and bring" is still incomplete. I attempted at my cleaning the room first so that I could have a clean desk to write that list of things to bring. The room is still not clean. In fact it got a little messier as I tried to clean my closet. I have way too much clothes.

So now, I need the help of fashion bloggers. What should I bring? I only have one large suitcase and a traveling backpack. I am thinking of keeping it simple and a little more Italian? I want to blend in as much as possible. My mom told me it was impossible unless I get massive facial plastic surgery. What can I say, I just don't have an Italian face.

It's getting closer and closer and somehow I am trying to lie to myself in thinking that I still have a lot of time. Maybe going to Italy will somehow force me to be a little more chic and a little less ridiculous. If that happens, my mom should be really happy that I'm going abroad.

What am I doing blogging! I need to clean. I need to finish an illustration.

Actually, I need to blow dry my hair. It's making my shirt and back wet. Like. So. Ew.

Lala's Style of the Days

I've been feeling very introspective lately. I don't know, is it even possible to have a feeling of introspection?

I've started to wonder what to do with my life. I've also re-started my habit of staring at random things. For instance, I could not help stop staring at my professor's arm pit stains or the funky color of this one guy's toenails or the quarter that kept jumping up and down on the treadmill or the bottle cap that was left in the corner of the gym. Sometimes, taking time to stare at random things brings new life to...well...life. It makes you feel real and it somehow makes your existence more tangible in a way. Staring at completely insignificant things is the best. You should all try it out sometime.

YESTERDAY:

• Tee Shirt: $10 express.
• Baggy wide legged trousers: $6 loehmanns
• Shoes of course

I was surprised how little "stuff" I wore. Only a shirt and pants. Wow.

TODAY:

Sunny days are the best. Sunny days that's not too warm because I can still color my legs which always brings a smile to my chipmunk face.

• This cool patterned tank: $1.50 st. vinnies. I actually think this is sleepwear now that I think about it. It has that soft flannel feeling.
• Purple Betsey Johnson skirt: $0.98 st. vinnies
• Brown belt
• Red tights: buffalo exchange, $3.50
• Knit vest of happiness: from my mom. I wonder if my mom was ever a hippy because it's like a serious hippy vest. Wait. Nah, my mom's not that old...I think.
• 80's heels: $4 local thrift.
• Yellow bag, yellow ray-bans

I tried to do my hair all messed up like Rayanne's from My So-Called Life with all these braids and random miniature pony-tails sticking out. I like it, I should insert these little braid things more. I'm feeling the wavy hair these days, not that my hair was that straight to ever begin with. Today I woke up and my hair was, as Christian from Project Runway would say it, a hot mess. It was a mess but man was it hot, or so I thought. I woke up and headed straight to the bathroom. I saw Mwang and suddenly she burst into laughter. I turned towards the mirror. Oh yeah, sleeping had given me Poison-esque 80's big hair. Bacne came in later and laughed. It was great. I should have just walked out like that.

Other exciting news:

I finally heard back from study abroad and guess what? I'm going abroad in the fall. I can hardly wait.

I should get back to studying my IS/LM model and curves and stuff. I don't know. When re-evaluating your life, memorizing the shifts of graphs hardly seems important anymore, not that it ever did, but it just makes it less important. I really need to stop this introspection feeling, it's getting me nowhere.